2025 Reflections

 

Well its time for another reflection on the year and what its been for me 

and man its been a rollercoaster thats for sure but overall it feels like a huge improvement and nesscary changes for me 

lets get all the icky sad angy stuff out of the way first and then we get all to all the good nice happy things lol 

Well first theres the fact I felt thrown away by someone and felt played and used by him after him pulling a 180 on supporting lgbt stuff and being asexual to back to being anti of that stuff and hating "woke" things i really felt played and used and thrown away like yesterday's garbage cause of it part of it is my fault for giving bigots a second chance but on the other hand I really hoped he got better and redeemed himself
can you believe all that happened over THIS IMAGE

Like what the actual fuck bruv well its their loss anyway cause I'm still gonna stand for what I believe and nobody gonna stop me because children who are trans and wanna be trans deserve to be themselves the way I wish I was if I figured out my gender at a young age 

its a wholesome and beautiful message 
and you see this energy below? (cw-transphobia, misgendering and inappropriate sexual talk)

WE ARE LEAVING PEOPLE LIKE THIS IN 2025 AND NEVER GIVING THEM ANY CHANCES EVER AGAIN!! 

 

I thought this person was sorry for the way they treated me but their still the same old bully they always were and it really hurt me a lot 

I felt this year because of people like this 

It left me with major trust issues and scared of getting hurt again 

At the same time it really is a reminder to never give bigots any chances or mercy and let them figure out shit on their own cause its not fucking worth it

I need to remember to stop putting my hands onto the oven like no shit its gonna burn idiot 

I'm all for people changing their ways and learning to be better people but I can't deal with it anymore and I need to stop getting myself hurt 

My social anxiety also got worse due to fear of others leaving me or cutting me off over stupid shit such as my anime interests and other things or feeling like I just took up space 

My depression was getting really bad again so it was why I got the higher dosage of meds

I also ended up on an indefinite hiatus of streaming for multiple reasons and to be honest I don't know when I feel like going back to it cause the thought of it freaks me out for multiple reasons 



Alright onto the fun stuff now :D

Now for the good stuff 

I did the hugest walk at the Dandenong Ranges with my support worker around June and while we had a chaotic time at the end and finding a way back we did and survived was very proud of myself that day my support worker and I still talk about that adventure sometimes 

Porter Robinson live and still doing the concert despite my tummy and anxiety issues I felt very proud that day and glad I still went to that amazing show 

I also went to see Green Day live in March which was very healing since the last time I went was with my ex in 2017 and it was such a great time!! 
I would always do what I can to see Green Day over and over again if I could hahahah 

Linabell being a new special comfort character in my life  and helping me during a time I felt thrown away and abandoned yeah I know its probs me just sounding like a "disney adult" cause of her being from duffy and friends but still she really helped me during a rough time for me this year and that I appreciate a lot as well as my current great amazing friends I still have in my life 

Finally figuring out about me having pmdd and getting a higher dosage of my antidepressants which has helped things a lot

I still have moments but not as bad as they use to be at the moment 

Also finally having medication for my ibs issues and learning to tone down a lot on take away and other certain foods which has really helped me a lot 

Especially during animaga and pax where I had little to no tummy issues!!! 
and had the best time checking out new games and buying amazing goodies and art 
and sometimes talking to people x3 and had the best time at the cons

(Art in the Saba Shrine by Yukomeow, cookie.teaa, twee_draws and megiibun pls check out their amazing art!! also suggest in general for local aussie artists screampuffart, littlebink and many more)

These puppets especially are amazing hahahah check out daystardebris and ghostpuppet GB their pretty awesome :3 

Finally going to the punk bar near my area called cafe gummo and while talking to new people still scares me at times I love the vibe and feeling safe there and the awesome music and events and things they have here 

and saving the most important for last 
In October this year 

I did probs the most bravest thing I ever done and was a witness in a zoom court case to help a friend go against an ex friend of ours who has harassed them and also me and others for a very long time (I am not saying names and I rather keep it that way please) 

And it was really scary knowing I would be on webcam wirh my face showing to said ex friend 

But I did to help support my friend 

And im really proud of myself for being a big adult and being very brave to stand up against a person who has caused mental abuse online to my friend and others and even myself for years 

And if said ex friend or their mother tries to contact me again

I will just learn to block and ignore everything 

My sleep schedule fucked up badly due to it and my anxiety got the best of me at times 
but I managed things really well 
it was worth it knowing I can be strong and be a big boy for once which I also had to do for another incident for another friend but irl at the police station which I am keeping private as well The anxiety I felt before the zoom call was EXTREMELY intense

But I did everything I could to handle it

Played legends za

Called beyond blue

Watched an adult swim 2004/2005 broadcast i found to stay awake 

I did everything I could

And was even stimming with a dnd dice while in the call to keep calm and keep having a resting bitch face or professional face lol 

It was the most proud and most brave and amazing I ever felt in a very long time and its a powerful strong feeling I will never forget feeling that intense strong confidence in myself and how much potenial I truly got if I believe in myself and not give up for myself and my friends I know it sounds like cliche cartoon stuff but its true in a way

I'm gonna be 30 tomrrow and while my 20s was an intense rollercoaster of figuring out myself and my emotions and whats good for me in my life or not 

I still have somedays where I feel still feel a lot of remorse and regrets

But I hope when the time comes when my life is over and im on my deathbed I hope at least I know I lived a happy life and made fun great memories

And pls archive my brain and characters just not as ai slop lmao

I'll talk about the more deeper stuff just then in another blog for another time XD

Overall

2025 was the year of hibernating and figuring out my shit mentally 

And slowly figuring out my boundaries and the right people in my life and becoming stronger and better as a person 

I don't really have much goals for 2026 currently other then hopefully legally changing my gender on my birth certficate to trans male/non-binary at this time 

but all I know is I hope 2026 and the rest of my life from now still has beautiful amazing happy times I am happy I am alive and breathing currently for 

and enjoying the little things in my life that make me happy 
such as adorable cute moe art and cute art from australia and other places too

(Art and VN by モノコード yuyumatsu, Shiono Room and Panmimi Soft aka Pan )

Enjoying yummy safe food lunches at places like Fork n Path and Tylers Milk Bar 

Still enjoying gaming or reading vns at times now on the MSI claw especially 

and despite being 30 tomrrow I'll always be a silly koala in the gumtrees

(Photo edited by BluMynx)

Heres to another year around the sun and I hope you all have a nice happy hoildays and happy new year 

later my dudes 

Been in hibernation still sort of am tbh

 

Yeah I know its been a while 
kind of been in hibernation from posting or doing a lot online lately 
mainly due to not just anxiety from whether I wanna stream or not again but just in general felt like just lowkey keeping to myself or only sharing stuff when I feel like it 
I have those moments in general it just happens I guess 

Still been having moments of feeling depressed at times and not looking forward to the hot weather coming up 

but things have also been good at times

I was on a week holiday in Gippsland recently and that went pretty well 
catching up with friends 
and finally getting the msi claw a8 just means I have to pay back mum a bit still but I'm sure I'll get over that hurdle and then hopefully save for an ssd for it or a mirco sd card 

so far its been a comfy experience finally gaming in bed for the summer 
and playing visual novels and other random stuff 
still need to copy stuff from google drive to transfer from my pc to the claw 
but its been great and can't wait for a more fun comfy experience without hurting my back on a chair too much XD


Also not to get too negative on this blog but there's been times I've been questioning my place in peoples lives and whether I fit in there or not 
and an outing while part of it was my fault granted at the same time really made me feel awful and thinking no matter how hard I try I always tend to mess up and make things worse for everyone around me even if I try to be responsible and do the right thing it just made me question why am I even here or are certain people only wanting me around so I don't get sad or cause problems 

but its people's choice whether they want me in their lives or not 
just this year in general has really made me less trusting and built up a wall a lot around me not just from being thrown away at the start of the year but also this incident as well which I do take partial responsibly for 
but at the same time I question whether people actually like or want my company or not its probs just my own head fucking with me as per usual but who knows... 


I'm just sick of getting hurt or accidently or unintentionally hurting others 


I will say pax 2025 was a success in October 
NO TUMMY ISSUES FOR ONE WHICH IS A BIG DEAL!! 
I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT 

Getting to chat a little with some people and saying hello to old and new friends and trying fun games like doggy don't care for an example 

and Pax really helped me build down my wall a bit which made me really happy it was just what I needed being surrounded by a wonderful joyful great con with great people and a wonderful community of gamers and artists and devlopers of all types 

I hope the time I am ready (whenever that will be)
I will get over this current social anxiety I have 
maybe try to talk to people a little bit more even if its just saying hello at Tyler's milk bar 
and get better with my social skills maybe 
and keep on trying and trying is all that matters 
no matter how many times I fall I will try and get back up again 


I really wanna get back to more blogging again soon especially about the things that make me happy instead of things that piss me off or annoy me or make me sad
though when I feel like a spicy rant I am sure I will make it silly or throw in a ha ha funee depending on the subject of course 
like labubu dubai chocolate yeaaaah (lol jk) 


I do apologize to any of my friends or any fellow readers that I've worried or concerned with me keeping to myself I promise its nothing personal and its just me liking to be in my own planet or do my own thing sometimes or not always having the social spoons 


but I hope when I am ready I'll be back better then ever in my own time 

thats all for now 
I guess stay tuned for hopefully more blogs soon once I know what I wanna feel like writing or have in my backlog/notes 

later my dudes 

If you're okay with AI art and think its actual art to make profit of you deserve to be ridiculed

  Nah I don't wanna be nice about this I really fucking don't 
Its time I be an asshole cunt for once in my damn life 
  FUCK AI ART AND I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT and the fact The Melbourne Royal Show of all places not only uses it BUT CONDONES OTHER PEOPLE SELLING IT honestly just makes me temped not want to go AT ALL anymore don't get me wrong I had a fun time with my partner there and my friend Sky heck the most fun I had in ages but this AI slop and people either not noticing or eating it up is making me so fucking angry 
For once look at these images themselves from the Royal Show 
             

           WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HORSESHIT!! 
That is not a real child for let alone real animals FOR FUCK SAKES YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO AFFORD A REAL ARTIST AND I KNOW YOU DUMB CUNTS CAN TAKE ACTUAL FUN PHOTOS OF PEOPLE AT THE SHOW TOO WHY NOT USE THAT TO PROMOTE YOUR SHIT!!! 

You guys can EASILY use ACTUAL photos not this horeshit 
You guys can actually promote and spread and share craft and art from other people and even reward people for it 

examples below 

This is beautiful hard working artists making amazing lovely art 

AND YET AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME 
CONDONE AND PROMOTE SHIT LIKE THIS WITH YOUNG KIDS SHOWING THEIR CRINGE STUPID CARD GAME USING AI ART
WHICH MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM 
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PARENTS AND WHY CAN'T YOU PICK UP A DAMN PENCIL TO MAKE THESE MONSTER DESIGNS!! 

Legit my reaction seeing this shit and the kids at the stall thinking their cool shit 

Like I'm sorry you can't promote actual art stuff but also AI stuff at the same time its centrist bullshit and just shows your trying to "please everyone" and not actually give a shit about people and their hardwork... 

Now I know I'm not innocent or probs a hypocrite but I messed around with ai before and character ai and stuff as a ha ha funne or memes but its not something I'm proud of its something I am aware is bad not only for actual artists but for the environment as well 
not to mention the fact that AI takes stuff from peoples real art and photos which is  stealing and people using it to make actual harm dangerous shit such as CSEM or using fake deeps to harass and hurt others FUCK THAT NOISE 
but I don't wanna EVER use it for profit and it doesn't mean I think its okay in the slightest... 

It just makes me feel like people use AI art have no respect for actual artists, musicians and those who create art of all shapes and forms 
art takes actual hard work and effort even I know this 
and my drawings are fucking awful 
the music I did and lyrics I did were most likely cringe 
BUT AT LEAST IT WAS MADE WITH REAL BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS 

I much rather AI to be done to help people make their lives easier with doing housework or groceries or stuff around the house 
help cure diseases or cancer or other things 
Not use it to take away jobs and work from artists 

It just makes me feel really depressed 
and sure you could make the agurements of people using AI art cause of them being mentally or psychically disabled but I'm sorry THATS NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE 
I seen disabled folk of all types make great art 
those without hands or legs
deaf and blind people

and even autistic people such as myself make great beautiful art 
those with mental health issues make some wonderful art too
those even in the old days and in history making beautiful art despite their issues 
SO NO DISABILTY IS NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE and if makes me sound "ableist" then I call bullshit and again disabled folk of all kinds can make great art without using AI 
Again to be clear I had a great time at the royal show I really did I could say so many good things to be honest such as the sensory room, the food and the cute puppies 
but this one thing really made my blood boil 
I much rather the cringe bootleg shit I see cause while that has its own issues and concerns at least its funny 
GOD I MUCH RATHER THE LABUBU DUBAI CHOCOLATE HA HA FUNEEE OVER AI ART
or the chaotic cringe shit on deviantart or other sites (although deviantart uses AI slop too which is part of the reason I left)

its just really frustrating and seeing it so normalized even more and people just not caring or not realizing just makes me feel really upset 

so yeah fuck AI art
fuck those who are okay with it
and fuck those who use it for profit 
PICK UP A PENCIL CLANKER
PICK UP A INSTRUSTMENT
WRITE AN ACTUAL THING THEN USING CHATGPT 

ACTUALLY MAKE SOMETHING PLEASE
I PROMISE ITS 10 TIMES BETTER THEN WHAT AI CAN DO'
EVEN IF ITS CRINGE OR SUCKS ASS

Anyway thats it for my rant for now 
later my dudes 
and clankers fuck off and find some actual proper art to do 

UPDATE

I have sent an email to the Melbourne Royal Show about my concerns with AI and stuff although less mean and shitty for obvious reasons so before people jump at me for just making a rant and just bitching 
I did make a proper complaint or at least tried too below and I suggest others to do the same if you can if your not okay with AI art