Might as well start this blogging by talking about my top surgery journey
why I did it and the process it of it
keep in mind this is obviously talking about my journey with top surgery and just because I wanted top surgery doesn't mean other people who are trans has too
You are trans regardless if you want surgery or not
You are trans regardless if you want HRT or not
You are trans no matter what
with that out of the way lets begin
Content warning for these following things
hospital related things
weight/diet mentions
scar images of my top surgery and recovery
blood from drains
and mentions of suicide
So it was one day I think in 2022 during the summer and this was around the time I started coming out as a fully transgender male
which I'll make a separate blog about my trans journey in general when I am bothered
I tried wearing a binder again but I was having trouble breathing in it when out with my support worker
and it was also really hot as it was summer
it made me realize maybe top surgery while a long process I felt it was better then the sensory overload I was having
now I did try a binder from amor binders and while they are comfortable I had trouble breathing and feeling comfortable and it especially wasn't good during the summer
this is not the fault of amor binders themselves its more me and my own sensory things to be honest
It was around March 2022 I made referral to a surgeon in Melbourne named Dr Andrew Ives and my first appointment with him was in in January 2023 the appointment went well however there was one thing Andrew Ives was very stern
I was around 90.kg at the time and I needed to be at least 82.kg and under in order for the surgery to happen or else it will be cancelled I was very worried that was the case that I needed to lose weight for the surgery and I was correct
This was due to the BMI being too high for my height being 155cm
>in b4 short jokes or called a lalafell
Now personally and this is my honest opinion I find the BMI to be bullshit cause I can feel perfectly fine and feel healthy and yet according to it I'm "obese" which is frustrating not only for me but other plus size people
HOWEVER in my case losing weight was necessary anyway as I was getting too big
walking was getting harder especially on my legs and feet and it was getting slowly serious walking was getting that painful for me at times I had to use a walking stick
so clearly I needed a serious change
This is not me saying other people have to lose weight or people have too but I only believe you should lose weight if things get too serious or health issues get really bad that's the only time losing weight is important
and in my case it was VERY important not only for my psychical health but so I can stop having bad dysphoria from my fat gross disgusting saggy tits
So after the appointment I had a dominos pizza as my last hurrah and got straight to work
My first habit I learnt was not eating after 8pm which I know sounds silly but it actually works and is actually a good habit I still do to this day
I also decided to do more walking and also swimming with my support worker something I still do at times swimming especially I always enjoyed and I love how relaxing it is the water always gave me comfort
I did 30 mins of just dance on wii emulator dolphin cause fuck giving ubisoft more money and while it is a lot of fun its also very exhausting and stressful and that is a habit I should get back into from time to time as it is good exercise I just been lazy setting it up these days but it is something I should get back into from time to time
I also got a treadmill and tried doing 30 mins of it while watching tv shows or youtube or even just walking in akihabara videos and that I will admit wasn't always fun the treadmill was exhausting and really hurt at times
Regarding eating habits while still not great as I am a picky eater and really love my safe food a lot
I have learnt not to eat too much especially cause of my ibs and learnt to eat vegan versions of certain foods or having no sugar drinks
and the weight was slowly going down as my habits were getting a bit better
Although by 2023 I was dealing with major burn out not only doing the exercise but
the work I was doing at this place for disabled people in the workplace and learning scanning and archiving work while I had a lot of fun there and cannot wait to go back at some point next year hopefully
and on top of that playing catch up with FF14 online and doing streaming I was clearly doing too much at once and it was wearing me out
so by 2024 before surgery in July it was back to losing more and more weight
I think by then I was around 87/85? but I needed to be 82.kg or under by July or else the surgery would be cancelled
so it was time to get serious and do what I can to lose the weight
at some point in June 2024 I ended up staying at my mums for the month or so moving my pc and other essentials to her place temporally and starting to get on a calorie deficit diet for 2 weeks which was probs the hardest food wise cause I was feeling so hungry all the time and was feeling more tired and stressed but I was on crunch mode and the clock was ticking
the deficit diet was the hardest of time of the journey and at one point I felt suicidal wondering if it was still worth it cause of how hard it was
then porter robinson's new song released
and I'm gonna be real that gave me the courage to keep going with the journey despite how hard it was it was there when I needed it the most
I even wrote a comment on the video you can listen to the song yourself in the link below its a really good one
One time I was so hungry I tried being sneaky eating cup noodles at night only for mum to catch me
which while pissed me off was a necessary evil
there was also this really healthy home made ham and cheese pizza she made for me once which was amazing and wouldn't mind making my own off one day
shout out to my mum btw for while I probs stressed her out during the journey I am glad and forever grateful for her support throughout my journey
So overall the losing weight journey wasn't easy
its a lot of sweat
tears
feeling hungry and tired and frusrated but it was so worth it cause by the end of the journey I was around 82.kg close to my goal
and then I got my hospital bag ready to head to the hospital the next morning on July 9th on a long car journey from Gippsland to Melbourne
my hospital bag is super adorable too which I now use as an overnight bag with these two cuties from some yuzusoft visual novels (meguru best girl especially <3
That night at my mums place in Brunswick I could not sleep it was the hardest time I had to sleep I was so nervous and scared but also excited for it to finally happen
The next morning I took my last shower for the time being and was ready to head to the hospital on the early morning winter day
I was finally at the hospital waiting for when the surgery was ready reading the manga 100 girlfriends who really really really love you on my phone for hype for season 2 of the anime to pass the time my name was called and I was ready in my hospital gown as preparations were made as well with other people I saw getting top surgery the same day I was also in a discord server for other transmasc people in Melbourne and other places who were having surgery as well which helped a lot at the time
I was taken to the place where they gonna put me to sleep and I was pretty scared from seeing like the thingies they were gonna use during the operation (I don't know the right words my brain be blanking lmao) and they put a needle in my arm to help put me to sleep (if I didn't lose the weight by the way I would of been AWAKE during the surgery and yeah... as much as I like my horror and guro/gore stuff THATS ONLY IN MEDIA NOT REAL LIFE AS MUCH so no.. just no..) to distract me they asked me what holidays I enjoyed going on and at the top of my head I said I think Japan or my trip in America to Rochester to see one of my close friends which was a good distraction talking to the nurse about until falling asleep
as soon as I woke up everything felt woozy and I was surprised how quick everything went despite it taking hours
then I saw this exit sign and was like
"Why is the green man running what is he running from??"
it was pretty funny
for real though WHY ARE YOU RUNNING
WHY ARE YOU RUNING
So at long last July 10th 2024 the teets have been yeet and I felt sleepy and dozy but also very happy and comfortable
I wasn't in much pain as I thought I was but very tired and eeepy
the drains btw while may been intense not gonna lie I felt metal as fuck having them for a bit
For shits and giggles I named my drains Sophie and Ruka from 2 animes
Ms Vampire Who Lives in My Neighbourhood and Vampire Dormitory
I was mainly feeling itchy and stingy had trouble sleeping at times but also napping a lot in the living room falling asleep to my mums partner Paul watching Tour De France him and I were recover buddies for a bit cause he was also recovering from knee surgery
I wasn't in much pain as I thought I was but the main thing I HATED was the binder it was tight and itchy and annoying
and I was so relieved when I finally had to take it off FINALLY NO MORE BIDNERS AND BRAS and I given away my bras to one of my transfem friends
although for a while also I had some stitches that needed recovering as well as the nipple grafting which one of the nurses called the fluffly clouds it was hard to pick or poke at the scabs cause I'm a weird fuck who likes picking at scabs and pimples XD
heres some recovery process pics sort of
this song describes the joy and euphoria I felt feeing more free
I thought I was gonna be in a lot of pain but it wasn't as painful as I thought it was gonna be the most annoying was the binder if anything and also when it was stinging and stuff
the most trans joy I felt this year especially was going to the pool for the first time shirtless
I was honestly ready to throw hands at transphobes if people were gonna get shitty about it at the pool but nope people didn't the only people that did were a few on discord
mainly those uncomfortable by the scars themselves which I understand why thus the trigger warning at the start of this blog so that I am willing to brush aside however not at transphobic dumb cunts who thought I was "multiating my body" or was feeling sadness or regret if that's how you genuinely feel you don't actually know me your not speaking to me out of concern or care its more out of spite and anyone who acts that way are pieces of shit who deserve to be stepped on by lego
So overall
the journey was long
painful
and at times stressful
but overall I feel happier
I feel free
I feel more alive and I feel more myself
and I learnt some good habits food wise and exercise wise
and feel more love for myself and care to myself
I'm so happy I feel myself and happy with my body for once sure I'm still a fat cunt
but at least now I am happy fat cunt like Homer Simpson and feel happy I finally got a flat chest and clothes feel comfy af
and being shirtless during summer or on the beach and pool is the greatest feeling in the world
so yeah
heres to more years of trans joy and stay tuned for another blog about my journey of being transgender in general when I am bothered
later my dudes!~
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