If there's one thing that's been really getting to me lately it's when people say "your nearly 30 dewain why are you still acting like this??"
"You need to act your age"
Has anyone ever considered that everyone learns things differently at different ages
Has anyone ever considered that part of me being autistic is i never acted my age
Even when i was 12
I still acted like I was 8
Even when I was 16
I wanted to act like I was 18 or in my 20s
Even when I was in my 20s I still acted like I was 16 again being dumb and stupid
Age has never made sense to me
And I mean that about myself
Stop expecting me to act like my age!
Let me learn in my own time
In my own way
Let me fuck up and make mistakes at any age and at anytime
As long as i dont do it again or I take full responsibility
Who fucking cares
Just please
Please stop with the "your nearly 30 and still acting like this"
Stop having expectations of me
Stop thinking im a proper adult when I never will be
Just let me be in my own planet doing my own thing
The fact I know i unintentionally still hurt people makes me feel ill and proves to me more why im better off alone
That all I am to some people is a stupid fucking clown
You think im not already aware and hear in my head over and over again how much i mess things up all the time?!
God I just want these mood swings to fucking end already
I can't keep being like this
I just wanna be happy
I just wanna have fun with my friends
I just wanna enjoy the little things in life
The nice cafes
Conventions and nice little art and trinkets
And fun little outings
And cute animals
I just wanna live a simple life
But I fear people just wanna drag me down or think im this stupid child that should just disappear
That I shouldn't even exist
Just please no more expectations of me
Depression and aniexty and mood swings have been really kicking me lately since that ex friend cut me of
Especially with them accusing me of support people being creeps towards kids or things i shared "brainwash" or "groom" kids
When that's not fucking true!!!
Why just cause I support kids wanting to be lgbt or okay with parents supporting their kids being lgbt?!
That im okay with drag performers at libraries?!
That im okay with trans people young and old feeling loved and respected?!
Fucking insane....
It just makes me feel sick and angry...
And I just want all this pain to end
I want people to stop hurting me
And I want to stop unintentionally hurting others
Just leave me be in my planet
Let me be free!!!
Let me be safe in my bubble!!
Here's hoping for something a bit more happy next time for my blogs
Maybe about the hello kitty cafe with my support worker tomorrow
Or about the Nintendo switch 2 next month with my partner
Who knows...
Later my dudes
I just wanna be okay again
Im getting better
But everything still hurts.... and i dont know when that hurt will go away
Im sorry
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