It's time I take my heart out of my sleeve and back in my chest

I'm a fool

A God damn fucking fool and idiot who once again feels played with and used

And I'm fucking sick of it.... 

Someone I thought was past the ways of being bigoted and changed for better

Pulled a 180 and decided 

"Nope no more woke shit"

And got back on the anti woke train 

I thought i was doing the right thing keeping my distance first hearing this thinking its just a simple disagreement cause as you know that kind of stuff seriously pisses me off to no end And I find extremely annoying and stupid 

But then something happened I never thought would happen again

I share a harmless image of joy and love and hapiness 

And what happens??

It gets taken as "grooming and brainwashing kids into a cult"

I'm sorry but WHAT THE SHIT?!?

For context its this image by mygenderation aka fox fisher on instagram 

 

An image i felt spoke to me as a message of hope from all the hate and transphobia trans people have been getting recently especially in the UK with the recent bill 

It's a beautiful piece of art filled with hope

Kindness and love

But according to the person who saw it???

It's "brainwashing kids"

Like excuse me???

I thought we were passed this

I thought that behavior was dead and gone

How is this in anyway a brainwashing image for children

What is so wrong with children wanting to be trans??

What is so wrong with trans youth??

What is so wrong with children growing up in a kind loving world where they are loved and feel safe and free to be themselves???? 

What the actual fuck

So the image got deleted

Just like all these years ago when I shared other harmless images that got deleted such as these 

(Art by @skyhuas)

(art by 
@aogirinaru)

(If any of the artists want me to remove these images or use other images as context please let me know) 

Like what the fuck is so wrong with this shit.... 

At least when its bigoted or dumb shit on 4chan or Twitter or YouTube i can just laugh at them or whatever else

But when its people who I thought were on my side or thought were my friend

That shit fucking stings 

I wasn't even trying to cut them off I was happy to still help out despite our disagreements I was just saying I'll keep my distance for my mental health to avoid agurements but nope I get thrown and kicked out....

I don't know what happened that made this person regress back to their bigoted ways 

Or if something happened to make them this way again 

But I wish them the kindness and love they deserve for being who they wanna be and one day not let right wing propaganda get to them 

But its not an excuse for how hurt and used I felt 

It can be a reason for said behavior 

But not an excuse to hurt others 

And I'm done being hurt

I'm done opening my door only for it to be knocked down or stabbed

I'm tired of hurting others when it was the last thing I want to do

And I'm tired of feeling used and played around with or someone people can easily mess with

I know I can be stupid and foolish at times

But that doesn't make it okay for people to mess with me and fuck around like that

All this shit has literally proven my point why I've been avoiding political topics with people now and why I'm better off fully alone (see my earlier blogs on that stuff for more details)

Like thanks for literally proving my point

So yeah

I'm fucking done

No more having my heart on my sleeve 

No more giving people the benefit of the doubt

If you lie to me or fuck with me or hurt me 

Your fucking dead to me

I'm burning that bridge full 

I will only share my kindness and love and joy to those who deserve it and who are respectful and loving an caring

If you aren't that person

I will need to learn to become more unhinged and tell you to fuck off 

And have tinkaton wack ya in the head and pp

(Art by blacknirrow) 

Bailiff wack his pp!!!

So yeah i feel angry and hurt and don't know when I'll be okay again

I wanna be eventually

And hope I don't let any inner demons win one day and remind myself to keep holding on that little bit of hope madoka would want me to hold 

But for now I feel hurt

I feel heartbroken

And I feel angry and upset

And its time I put away my heart on my sleeve and shut it away back in my chest 

So I never get hurt again

And others don't hurt me anymore

That's all for now

Hope I give you all some better nicer blogs once burn out and aniexty and depression isn't kicking me so hard

Later my dudes