Porter Robinson reminded me to keep going and not give up

So I saw Porter Robinson for the 3rd time yesterday on February 6th 2025 

The last 2 times I saw him was in 2024 for his Nurture tour and and 2017 when he did his Shelter tour with Madeon

Where I recorded footage on my ps vita of all things cause my iPhone 5c was a piece of shit and would die battery wise really fast 

(Content warning for mention of needles) 

Although

Before the concert I ended up having a bad anxiety attack and a bit of a meltdown 

The reason for this was partly my fault to be honest 

First was the fact I had to do a blood test at the doctors before the concert just to get it out of the way so I can find out what's wrong with me regarding my ibs and chronic fatigue and the doctors always have trouble finding my veins due to genetics on my my mums end and I had to get not only 1 but 2 needles on both arms

Got some sexy bruises from them though lmao 

But it was pretty intense as I'm not always good with needles I even ended up crying from the pain 

But the second and main reason was I didn't have much to eat other then an up and go and energy drink and didn't eat too much before the concert because I assumed I was gonna get food on the way or I didn't have much of an appetite due to still recovering from an ibs flare up 

I tried going to 7 11 with my mum and my friend Sky aka Flutterskyy or Flutters for short to get an egg and lettuce sandwich but they sold out of the one I usually get so all I had was a strawberry yoghurt and freddo frog and a bit of a peach monster energy 

However it wasn't enough apparently 

On the way to the concert area at PICA Melbourne

The hunger pains were getting more intense 

I did try to distract myself at least by taking pics with Madoka on the city view 

However by the time we were almost at the venue a few hours early 

The hunger pains were EXTREMELY intense and I was getting really overwhelmed and anxious that I was on the verge of crying and panicking and having a meltdown 

I thought I was either gonna puke or really need the bathroom or both cause of how intense the aniexty and pain got

It was really scary

That I felt i needed to go home or go to the hospital 

As soon as I finally found food at a local Coles I finally had an egg sandwich and some apple juice and just cried my eyes out while mum and sky kept reassuring me 

Although I was also desperate for the toilet so we had to go a local bunnings nearby to find one 

Which caused me in even more intense aniexty and crying 

Finally after using the bathroom I just sat down on a chair at bunnings hugging my unicorn bag

And just crying my eyes out

I dont think I care much whether people see me cry or not these days in public if I need to cry I just need to let it out

2 staff members approached me making sure I was okay and giving me comfort and even offered me a walk around the shop But sky and mum walked me instead reassuring the staff members that everything will be okay

(Pic related lmao) 

Something about walking in a bunnings where it was quiet not a lot of people and browsing the plants or other random things felt very calming and comforting 

A true Aussie icon that was there when I needed it the most for the most silliest reason of needing to take a piss and then a moment to cry and calm down and take a quiet walk 

I will say my fave stuff I love to browse at bunnings is the plants and lights and other electronic stuff or even other random things 

But we're getting off track

I know what your thinking 

Dewie did you actually made it to the concert

And YES I SURE DID!! 

finally there 

And finally in line I decided to just lay down on the grass and take a little nap

Also got this sticker by an artist and fellow porter robinson fan plushiecore 

Which i put on my screampuffart sticker book!!! Really love their art a lot too ^^ 

The line was making me anxious again However and I got worried a bit again of feeling unwell 

But after some waiting 

Chatting with some random people about Marvel Rivals 

And watching meme videos on my phone 

And some people loving my madoka plushie 

I was finally in the venue 

Saw some people I knew there

And got to chill a bit seeing the pre show artist Ninajirachi who did some really awesome music 

I desperately needed to sit down though as standing up for too long at concerts wouldn't work well for me and I was exhausted enough as it is

So I tried sitting on the ground for a bit

And someone offered me their little my melody fan for 5 mins to help cool me down as I was getting really hot and sweaty

Which could also explain the earlier meltdown as me and hot weather never mixed well with me and makes my brain feel cooked as fuck 

I asked for a seat in the disabled section which for future reference I should ask for in advance BEFORE the concert from now on at PICA as some seats were reserved whoops 

But I'm so lucky I got a seat and I spent most of the concert sitting down 

I will say when I needed the bathroom again at the venue 

This one dude randomly said "is this the boys or girls toilets?" To which i snapped saying "DOES IT MATTER?!" cause it didn't really say whether it was male or female or not I guess I was still recovering and still overwhelmed so I guess it made sense why I said what I said

Plus that guy was being a bit rude anyway 

Idk maybe I was in the wrong for snapping but who knows :/ 

But I didn't let it ruin the night 

 Before the concert started 

I was getting the anxiety and stomach aches again and sweating from how hot it was that I started having a little meltdown and crying and thought did I need the hospital or go home again

Until...

The music started 

The music began and hearing the song knock yourself out and all of a sudden

Everything felt normal for a bit and the adrenaline from the music and feeling the sound from the speakers eased everything making me forget everything for just a little bit and just... enjoy the music and it made me remember 

That's why I love music

That's why I love concerts

That feeling of escape even if just for a little a while

A moment to see your idol and your hero for a bit in the flesh feeling so close yet so far away

It was... beautiful 

It was also kinda nice seeing the tech stuff near the disabled section i was on sitting on a chair it was like seeing a little behind the scenes and it was really cool and would of been a lot of fun and hard work to do 

Seemed like the tech guys had a great time watching the show too hahaa  

The only 2 issues I had with the concert was 

1- I didn't hear easier to love you live which is a shame as it's one of my fave songs ever on the smile album 

And 2- Porter Robinson talking about Leuage Of Legends 

Don't get me wrong I'm happy he's passionate about it and loves it

But its league and its not my kind of game personally and how toxic it is as well as its fan base (and I already dealt with my fair share of toxic gaming and toxic fandoms) 

I love you Porter I really do

But you will never convince me to play Leauge 

I'll stick with fortnite and hello kitty island adventure thank you

Still love you though and the song you did for league was still cool at least 

 But despite that

I still had an amazing time at the concert enjoying all the songs from world's to nurture to smile 

Finally the concert was over and I said to myself

"I DID IT

I DID IT!!!" I made it through the whole concert fine and had an amazing time!!! 

On the way out i took some pics of the cheerleader porter robinson squad i also wanted to make sure they were okay as one person was in major pain on their leg especially since it seemed fair to check on someone the same way the nice staff at bunnings 

I do hope their doing well and that person in leg pain gets better soon

I wish them the best 

It was a long night home especially dropping sky off 

Who also had a fun time at the concert

But I'm so glad I went and still had a great and made it pass my bad aniexty attack and meltdown 

I may not have the same energy as I use too in my younger years due to limited spoons and being autistic and having stomach and ibs issues and mental health and aniexty issues 

And sure it does mean planning more in advance

But I still feel proud of myself that I made it through 

And having the right support of my mum and my friend Sky 

Who really helped me with a nudge to keep going 

But especially Porter Robinson for helping me keep going

Keep smiling: D 

And keep trying and trying is all that matters 

Here's some of my concert footage below 

Content warning for flashing lights and me screaming and singing lmao

Now to just rest and relax for a bit and recover from my big night 

And hopefully when I have the spoons 

Finally watch Paddington in Peru with my partner

Later my dudes