Take Responsibility Be An Adult When Necessary

So despite being an adult

I have very childish interests and hobbies with plushies 

Video games and other pop culture related things and at times still act childish or immature ot not always handle things well due to aniexty and other issues 

And honsently the older I get the more i am well aware I'll never act my age or be a "proper adult" in fact at times it's very hard 

Even when people say to me "your nearly 30" or "your this age and still acting like this?"

I really don't want to feel depressed about the idea of becoming 30

I wanna be happy and still be myself becoming 30 and still enjoying what I like but at the same time I can't help these feelings I guess... but I promised myself to keep a happy face regardless 

At one point due to personal reasons I'll keep private that happened a few years ago I was scared I had to eventually let go of these interests and "grow up"  especially when I get distracted 

Which really was completely my fault 100% 

But I realised that's not true 

I can still be grown up and responsible while still having these interests 

Just as the note saids 

"Take responsibility Be an adult when nesscary" which is a reminder for me to take into action to foucs and not get distracted and do what's important when nessacary for myself and other people 

So i know there's time i can act like an adult

But to me it feels more like a mask then anything 

And sometimes that mask just cracks and i just rather lay down and avoid people and the world somedays 

I guess after all the truama and issues and conflict I've been through over the years

The more I just want to live a simple quiet life away from bullshit 

And just be in my own planet

But of course 

Take responsibility be an adult when nesscary 

Get out of my comfort zone every now and again when out and about

Maybe talk to a new person

Or help out someone in need

Or when I've done the wrong thing apologise and acknowledge my mistakes 

Theres a lot of ways to still be responsible whether online or irl 

But at this point im just rambling 

So I'll leave this random blog here for now 

I just hope I can still be my happy and fun self and still enjoy the things I love even when I become a cranky old man

And still be an adult when nesscary 

So if you ever feel unsure about things in your own

Remember these words

Take responsibility 

Be an adult when nesscary 

Hope that makes sense

Anyway later my dudes