So I might have PMDD

 

Which not gonna lie explains A LOT over the years 

so for people who don't know PMDD means Prementsrual Dysphoric Disorder the context how I found out I might have it was today me finding out whether I can take T or not because of a blood clot genetic I have 
so the answer I got is I can still take T if I wanted too but theres still some risks on other issues if I wanted to take it which is another journey for if I really want too or not to be honest and another subject for another time 

but now learning about PMDD and realizing I might have it explains SO FUCKING MUCH 
how emotional I get at times even over pety shit 
getting sick of my own bullshit and everyone else's bullshit
and feeling the need to isolate myself and taking things personally and a lot even small things getting to me or making me suicidal 

or why lately I've been avoiding unesscary stress or trying not to let certain things bother or trigger me especially in media


and partly why socializing especially has gotten more and more difficult in certain friend groups 

so if at times I get really moody or distant from certain groups or certain people its not personal 
its just me needing to be in the right headspace for certain things or learning my emotions more and stuff 

I also just been so overwhelmed and burnt out lately from the doctors appointments and other health issues such as my IBS and figuring that out as well 

everything and everyone has just become too much for me and its really exhausting me and wearing me out to a point where at times I had no idea if I could take it anymore 

but thank god the tough week is FINALLY done and all the appoinments and other shit is finally over and I can try and recharge and relax... 

on the plus side 
I now have an ita bag which I got from zenmarket and decorated it with all the things that give me joy and happiness 

I wasn't sure about Madoka being in a bag or not but she is now in a bag cause I wanted her safe
hopefully I'll still do some cute pictures of her out and about when I am bothered 

I also beaten unleashed recompiled aka the sonic unleashed pc port fans made with mods and stuff and while the game had its moments I still had an awesome time with it and appreciate and enjoy it more with the mods and fixes fans made 


Despite the health journey I've been going on at the moment
I am at least trying to still keep going and keep trying and focusing on the little things that make me smile and make me happy 
and hopefully I get to the bottom of this pmdd issue and learn to manage and tone my emotions more but if I do seem distant or moody at times thats why
anyway 
Thats all for now 

later my dudes