I can't be everyone's responsibility anymore

This is more a rambled vent blog which dont worry won't be often but i feel its important 

If there's something I really need to stop doing it's trying to please everyone and make everyone happy and being in the middle of other peoples bullshit it's been an awful habit for most of my life

And its time to stop it 

I can't make everyone happy

And that's a simple fact

Part of the reason ive been isolating myself more is how I keep messing up things in friend groups and social stuff

I know it's human to make mistakes

But im tired

I'm tired of hurting people even when I don't mean too

I'm tired of being exhausted from other people's issues and forgetting about myself

So if I end up really trying hard to stay out of things please understand why 

It's something I really need to learn and get better at taking care of myself first before taking care of others 

Today I felt I really messed up

I should of checked first with someone before adding someone they had issues with back in my server

And it was my honest mistake I need to take responsibility for

At the same time 

It's peoples choices whether they want to be in my spaces or not they dont have too if anyone or anything makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable 

And i need to learn I can't please everyone or make all my friends happy 

I need to please myself and put myself first for once in my life before others 

I'm sorry to those I unintentionally hurt from that stupid mess and being in the middle of it all 

It's time i keep myself out of things 

Put myself first 

I'm happy to still support and help others when needed

But i really really need to learn to myself first too 

As I keep messing things up and keep getting myself hurt or hurting others when I had no ill intentions 

Today I'm trying really hard to be off social media

Have a nice lunch with my support worker and keep myself calm and relax despite being overwhelmed and crying earlier 

All I ask out of my friends is please don't make me chose sides on certian drama between my friends 

Unless it's something really serious (such as someone being extremely harmful or dangerous to themselves or others) ans if I chose to keep out of things it's for my own mental health and to get out of this awful bad habit of mine 

I'm a foolish idiot who has their heart on their sleeve and sometimes I love helping others and supporting them and doing what I can

But lately and for most of my life

All that's done is cause me to mess up or get hurt 

And it needs to stop 

I need to step back 

This doesn't mean I won't stop helping or caring all together

Just a limited amount 

Anyway 

Time to listen to music on the train as i try to relax and calm down

Stay tuned for hopefully more nicer blogs when I'm bothered

It's just been hard due to the hot weather and other things later my dudes 

To end this blog here's an old pic from the beach