Probs my most personal heavy blog I'm writing I guess...
A part me of still wishes sometimes we could of at least still been just friends
Starting all over again like nothing happened
And going back to the times of our friendship
Where we walked my old dog Ruby
And he ran to catch her cause I didn't put the leash on properly
It was partly thanks to him saving Ruby that day that she lived a long and happy life until 2022 cause who knows what would of happened because of mine foolish and idiotic mistake that day
Some nights i still see him in my dreams either mad at me or unsure of me or maybe other heavy feelings
Some days i still get aniexty seeing him in public at pax or the local card shop
But other days I seem fine
Deep down
I'll always miss him
I'll miss our friendship we had
And the memories we made both when we were friends and when we were dating
Somedays I still wonder if it was all really a lie and I was just someone to pass the time
That none of it meant nothing unlike how much it meant to me
That maybe finally with where I am now that he's proud of me and how much I've grown since then
That somethings he said or did things to force me to leave cause I was too stubborn or foolish
But those questions and wonders
I may never know the answer too
And maybe that's for the best
But if for whatever reason if he ever comes across this
I hope life is treating you well
I hope you get what you always wished for
And I hope you know I don't have hate in my heart anymore after everything
Somedays still sadness and grief
Sometimes like I'm seeing a ghost when I see you in public
But I hope your happy whatever your doing now
And despite the truama and hurt
I'll always care for you deep down
And wish you well in life
Hope tonight I have better dreams and sleep
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